Over the last few weeks the hashtag #metoo has been very prominent across social media platforms in an attempt to show the magnitude of the problem of sexual assault and harassment. And eversince it did not really sit well with me.
No do not get me wrong. I want victims of sexual harassment and assault to be able to speak up. I want victims to know that they are not alone and I want to them to know even more that none of what happened to them is their fault. I want them to have a platform and support and the right to share their stories.
But what made me angry is that we even have to prove sexual assault against women is an issue. I am aware men are assaulted too and I do think it is horrible and there needs to be something done about it, but this post is about sexual violence against women (imagine I could write a text about a women´s issue without having to prove I care about men as well, just imagine).
If you just have the capacity to actually listen to the women around you, you would know that sexual violence is a problem, that affects almost every single woman.
I can 100 per cent assure you that almost every woman in your circle of friends has been catcalled or groped on a dance floor in a bar or club. I can also assure you that most women have slept with men despite feeling completely uncomfortable, because it was expected of them and yes that is including their significant others. And I can assure you that a mind-blowing number of people in your circle of friends and acquaintances have experienced way worse. That they were forced against their will or drugged or held down or have struggled with a man to not be violated in their own body.
I have heard all of these stories and they break my heart every time. I have had my fair share of uncomfortable experiences, I have had men touch me in ways I very much did not appreciate. I knew that sexual violence against women is a problem and I did not need a hashtag, I did not need statistics, I just needed to listen to the women around me.
And it only shows your extreme privilege as a male if this is news to you, if you just now realize that this is an issue. This shows you have been shutting your ears and eyes, this shows you did not listen, this shows you did not care and it might even show you doubted survivors before.
And in my personal opinion survivors do not owe you their stories, you should not need to be bombarded with a hashtag to be aware of this problem, women who have been to hell and back should not have to dig up this memories to finally get you to understand.
If you could ignore the problem of sexual violence even in our precious western states until now then you are part of the problem.
It makes me so angry that suppressed people would have to prove that their situation is actually this bad, that we have to convince you that this is still an issue. I remember having to pull up statistics to convince a friend, that 40 per cent of women between 16 and 85 in Germany have suffered sexual or physical violence, I had to tell of my own and my friends´ experiences so many times and have so often been told "Oh well you are exaggerating", "This is your personal experience, it is not representative", "I would never assault and I don´t no anybody that would, so this can´t be true".
Sounds familiar? Then do not act shocked about women on your timeline posting about their experiences.
It is doubting survivors and women in general, closing your eyes, staying friends with abusers because actually "they are great guys otherwise", accepting shitty behaviour from your friends and covering up that make daily sexual violence against women possible. And yes I do take this personally, yes I am pissed. Because this is a personal issue for me.
Because I could not close my eyes to this problem for years or doubt that this is an issue. I have been told from age 14 to cover up. I had to go through absolutely disgusting advances by 40 year olds as a 16 year old waitress and was told to suck it up. I had to learn so early that my body was not mine, but for others to use and watch, that I owed men sex, that I was worthless and a slut for then having it. I had to see my beautiful, amazing, smart friends break, because boys spiked their drinks or forced them to have sex with them and see this goddesses doubt themselves, thinking it is their fault that someone did this to them. I had to hold them while they cry and I had to hold their hair while they tried to drown those memories in cheap vodka.
So don´t tell me I take this too personal. Don´t tell me you did not know. Because we have been trying to tell you for decades. You just don´t like to take us seriously.
